Matt :D
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Phineas Related:
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Cashing in: FAL's
Link(s):
Phineas bumps into Faye in the hall... And all sorts of Awkward shit follows...
Highlights:
-Takes Faye out for a drink
-Sets people on fire
-Tries his best to get Faye interested in books (To no avail)
-Actually lets someone look over some of his notes
-Kissed Faye, Talks about his witch-hunt insecurities w/ Faye
-Tried to trick Faye w/ a test which entirely backfired
-Agreed, reluctantly, to teach her more about pact magic
-Takes Faye back to his place
-Shows her an actual Binding Ritual
-Drops the best pickup line ever: "Ever been with a guy with horns?"
-Shows Faye the door - via a line of fire.

Massachussets Mission Briefing
Highlights:
-Shows up... exactly when he intends to (AKA: Late)
-Tries to back up Thoster's band idea.
-Plans "Team building exercises" with Thoster

Mass Flight Thread w/ Thoster
Highlights:
-Promised Thoster a favor. :o
-Talked about relationship problems.

Mass Flight Thread w/ Lissa
Highlights:
-Learned about the Underground Railroad
-Made friendly with Lissa

Meeting with Callista
Highlights:
-Called the Underground Railroad "That Underground Contraption."
-Failed yet another binding ritual (I think that's a perfect record of failure so far)
-Played off his ridiculous black teeth.
-Showed off his cool Dove.

Egypt Briefing
-Was more on time than previously.
-Paranoid about curses, and/or desert sand.

Cashing in: AL's
Link(s):
Dramatic Scream Thread!
-Fired a bird at a Vampire like a projectile
-Tried to hide from a Vampire


TOTAL POINTS: 200


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Archer Related:
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Cashing in: FAL's
Link(s):

The Notorious Fireworks Bomb Thread
Highlights:
[Where to start... The entire thread is a highlight.]
-Brought back Japanese call girls... thinking they were Chinese... thinking that their racial affinity for fireworks would in some way aid in crafting a makeshift fireworks explosive device - which is just so racist and fucked up on so many levels.
-Archer world problems: "Elena that is a big shaker filled with three parts Mother, two parts dead fiancee, two parts childhood neglect, blended with equal parts crazy - hold the father - and a dash of being dropped into a fucking parallel universe - and I don't think either of us want to drink that right now..." I love summarizing all of his life issues in the form of a drink recipe.
-Convinces Elena to help make the bomb, which she totally nailed.
-Talks Elena into having a 4th of July drink, to celebrate their successful bomb... smithing?
-Talks to Elena about his mind control chip
-Got cock-blocked? by Buffy & Myri
Goin to the Zoo
-Got to drop a 'BOOM - PHRASING"
The Eggs Woodhouse Thread
Highlights:
-The eggs Woodhouse recipe is fantastic
-Describes Intelligentsia coffee to Elena
-"Starbucks? The Kanye West of coffee?"
-Shot the elevator controls
-Held a taxi driver at gun-point
-Still didn't beat Elena there
-Had gourmet coffee.
Eggs Woodhouse w/ Kat
Highlights:
-Called Kat 'Cosmo Kramer'
-Called Kat 'Eli Terry'
-Refers to a Bloody Mary as 'Drinking Breakfast'
-Gave Kat props for having her gun on her @ the concert.
-Crocodile paranoia: "For your information, Crocodile's are like 4,000 pound monsters from the fucking cretaceous period and I don't think there's enough bullets between the two of us to even make one flinch."
-Calls Kat 'Tsundere' (Lol - I forgot about that.)
-"What's wrong with these people?" Hostile. Work. Environment.
Francesca and Luthir Arrive
Highlights:
-Archer loses his mind at the mere idea of meeting elves.
-"Oh my GOD Myri, ELVES! ...They look just like real people!"
-Archer talked about hiring someone to make Lembas Bread
The Funeral Service
Highlights:
-Archer is pretty quiet - but calls Elven 'Greek' at one point
The Burial
-Pointed a gun at Burt
-"Fortunately, all the psychogenic retrograde amnesia, Russian mind control devices, and alcohol have made my mind a steel trap."
-Archer scoffed at the mere mention of non-lethal rounds.
-Discussed the possibility of using a Honeypot scheme on Keijan.
Archer buy's Des a New Car!
Highlights:
-Called Des Double-D
-Bought Des a Spy-Car El Camino
-...A Matching Spy-Car El Camino, to go with his.
-That have an Archer-voiced computer inside.
-Naturally programmed specifically to call him Desmond.
Archer meets up with the crew
Highlights:
-"BLACK ASS MOMMA! WHITE ASS DADDY! MULATTO BUTTS! MULATTO BUTTS!"
Team Vagina fights a super-spider.
Highlight:
-Archer's Point-of-View on this Mission
-Archer scoffs at the notion of a giant spider, and laments not having a giant shoe.
-Archer action points and slips free of the web like a boss.
-Archer acts like a human, and tries to help Elena... and fails
-Then he tries cutting her out with his laser... and fails.
-"...What, and just leave you up here as spider-food? Fuck that! Get your shit together, Elena!" Followed by a nat 20. woop woop!
-Everything about this tag
-MAWP
-Asks if the Shelob spider is 3/4 dragon.
-Makes a John Hinkley Junior reference joke (That one was hard to research, ok!)
-Loads of deaf jokes.
-Archer crammed his shotgun into the spider's mouth, and fired off two rounds.
-Got a high-five from Elena. Fuck yea, figh-fives.
Post-Spider Debriefing
Highlights:
-Archer implies Gar will screw the morgue mission up without him there to keep an eye on her.
-Has another bro drink with Finnick
The Morgue Mission
Highlights:
-Archer discussed his high-functioning Alcoholism with the group
-"Maybe you two should focus on the mission, instead of my amazing capacity to filter alcohol."
-Helped Gar through the window - unceremoniously
-"Elena! Jesus! Who taught you how to shoot? Rafael?!" (Too soon?)
-Brushes his guns off as crocodile protection to Penny
The Post-Doppelganger Recap
Highlights:
-Archer made a Cylon reference
Archer helps Elena out
-Some ridiculousness with the new Spy-Car
-Made Spike angry with excessive nicknames
-Tried to entice Spike into the car w/ his Dukes of Hazzard horn.
-Made a joke about returning to the scene of the crime
-Mystique reference at the Doppelganger
Archer is bemused at Mark's problems
Highlights:
-Called Mark a double agent
-Threw his hands up at Finnick's Diplomacy
Archer has drinks w/ Finnick
Highlights:
-Just more bro bonding over drinks
Archer bothers Val'drin
Highlights:
-Debates calling him Cyril.
-Tries to shoot the hourglass, and hits the couch
-Mixed up some green russians
-Talked about the space station and cyborgs.
-Discussed Moscow, and made a joke about being attracted to psychopathic killers... to a Drow...
Archer ran into Buffy Barhopping
Highlights:
-Discussed the legality of gunfights in bars.
Halloween Party
Highlights:
-Dressed as Bond
Kat's 21st
Highlights:
-Archer... accidentally attended, and managed to not notice anybody. Much to their relief.
Archer finds doggie-spike
Highlights:
-Totally oblivious to Spike
-Archer tries to drug him
-Accuses Francesca of bringing a Dog into the hotel
-Accidentally drinks the drugged drink, and passes out
Meet Merlin!
Highlights:
-Archer brings home a happy little Bunnicorn from a night of drinking!
-Archer talks about how happy the knights make him, compared to ISIS.
-Talking to Elena: "Elena, you made a I.E.D. out of fireworks that was so goddamned incredible, I STILL have a raging erection."
-Breaks a glass in his hand - and for the first time in his life gets shards of glass in it (That never happens in his world)
-Tells Elena a balanced breakfast is more important than fixing his hand up
Archer flips the hourglass, attempting to cook eggs.
Highlights:
-Drops the hourglass when he gets spooked by Francesca
Hourglass Secret Log
Highlights:
-Hakuna Matata.
-Mocks the spidery decorations
-Asks for an all Burt Reynolds remake of Gator
-Pokes at the short temper of an angry god
-Insists there is nothing he wants, because he's flawless (Which he is)
-Asks the Drow god if he has little worker elves like santa (lol)
Post-Hourglass
Highlights:
-Gives them the nickname 'Hakuna Matata' for the Drow God
-"Elf-rican American"
-Archer seemed more concerned about the state of his breakfast, than the Drow God
-Explained some of Burt Reynold's greatness to them all.
Live Session
Highlights:
-Got smacked for referring to Isabella as "The Help"
-Learned Spike is a Vampire
-Pulled a gun on Spike
-Got convinced he may be a vampire also
-"Nobody tells me what to put in my body"
-Tried drinking blood - spat it all over Gar
-Archer comes up with the idea of Faking NAdia's death, using a hooker for the substitute.
-"Archer: They're not people, they're just hookers!"
-Archer proposes using micro-communicators, Assures them he as some - but doesn't.
-New plan - get a political dignitary in, and fake it as a terrorist attack!
-"Archer: Oh. No... The smallest thing I have is a couple of frag grenades."
-Asked Finnick if he was having any luck finding his balls.
-"Matt: He has a lot of specialized ammo. I'm sure I'm on an NSA list now. After all of this and then googling 'FIREWORK BOMB'."
-"Matt: Archer just got the weirdest boner." At the idea of Elena being a KGB Sleeper Agent.
-"Matt: Archer thinks he's pretty smart."
-"Matt: Just for Archer's benefit - so Elena's very flexible, but not very smart?"
-Archer mistakes the bugbear and human for Chewbacca and Han Solo... or perhaps Predator.
-"Matt: Danger zone."
-"Archer immediately stood up and pulled his shotgun, leveling it at him. Plan B. [blasts]"
-"Archer: Nice shot, Mr. Magoo. Did you teach Rafael how to shoot?" At Gar's friendly fire
-"Archer: Finnick! Pull the trigger! It's very simple. You just squeeze it and pull!"
-"Matt: She remembers her gun, at least. Archer is okay with Kat. [beat] ...Annnd he's also okay with friendly fire." Defending Kat, lol.
-"Matt: Isabella's gonna need Plan B, if she's getting down with a bugbear."
-"Archer: Jeanne! It's a dragon. Run!"
-Archer and Finnick bolt away from the worm that is clearly a dragon
-They get stuck in a bone prison
-They blast through, and continue to flee
-"Archer: Finnick - you don't bring a knife to a gun fight and you don't bring a gun to a monster fight."
-Archer convinces Finnick that it's a good idea to hotwire the Semi, to smash into the Dragon-Worm.
-"Archer: Who drove scrap metal into me?"
-Archer tried to convince Kat to hotwire the semi, to no avail.
-"Matt: Just imagining vampire selfies. "Me at the beach": it's just a beach."
-"Archer: Whoopie. We gonna steal a sundial for the next mission, then?" At the Hourglass
-"Archer: Blergh blergh Harry Potter. " Archer's total disregard for magic.
-"Archer: This is a very dysfunctional work environment, Gar. Highly unprofessional." Made Gar cry.
-"Archer: Are you implying that you can't do work in a bar? I do my best work in bars."
-Finnick and Archer bonded, Drank, talked about possible pormotions, and resolved to go buy tanks and big guns.
-Matt: They're gonna load up like the Matrix. That won't look suspicious during the trial at all. "What have these two been doing recently?" "They just bought a lot of guns." "Why did they buy high impact armor-piercing... this could pierce a tank!" "For fighting dragon worms."
-Matt: Archer doesn't get past the kitchen, because that's where the alcohol is.
-"Archer: We have the worst lawyers." At the temporary insanity plea idea
-"Archer: Isn't it obvious? They're gay brothers." Oh Jaka and Nym.
-Archer drinks for Fey Wine
-"Matt: Archer's been conditioning his liver for his entire career."
-"Archer: If he goes to prison, he can have a prison show like Johnny Cash." Archer poses a great idea to Burt.
-"Archer: They were great, they gave us a bottle of wine. They're upstanding gentlemen." Sums up the brothers pretty much.
-Then Archer passed out on Fey wine, and had to be carried back by Finnick.

Cashing in: AL's
Link(s):
The Trial
Highlights:
-Archer drops in - literally - quite late, and from the ceiling
-Archer explains his roundabout entry as being alcohol related.


TOTAL POINTS: 830 + Whatever the Live Session was worth